


I’m Scared

by Courtkpop123



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Hospitals, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, Major Illness, Minor Character Death, Sad Im Changkyun | I.M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25218367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Courtkpop123/pseuds/Courtkpop123
Summary: What Changkyun thought was just the flu turned out to be much worse...*I am going to try and write a fanfic a week on my days off so I have something new to post once a fanfic has finished. Any requests for Changkyun or J-Hope please post in the comments. :)
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Everyone
Comments: 17
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is by no means medically accurate. It’s just another fanfic I wrote during lockdown. It’s not the best but please enjoy reading.

Changkyun had been unwell for a week now, everyone had assumed he had caught the flu, all the other members having had it. He had been struggling with his breathing but put it down to having a stuffed up nose.

“How are you feeling today kyunnie?” Kihyun asked while feeling his forehead.  
“You’re still pretty warm but looks like it’s better than yesterday”

“I feel slightly better, still got a cough though, erm... maybe not bad enough that I have to stay home again...?” Changkyun looked at Kihyun with puppy dog eyes. 

Kihyun laughed at Changkyun’s attempt. “Cute, but sorry, can’t risk you fainting, it will only be for another day or so, I’m sure you’ll survive till then” he said with a smile.

Changkyun only pouted at this. “It’s just so boring here alone”. 

“I know kyunnie but we all had to go through it, it just happens to be your turn now. Anyway, why don’t you try to get some rest, I’ve left soup in the microwave so just heat it up when you’re hungry. We’ll be back in a couple of hours so any problems between then call us or manager nim, ok”.

“Ok hyung, Thankyou”.  
Kihyun smiled and walked out the door soon after. Changkyun heard the front door go 5 minutes later.

Changkyun wasn’t a sit around and do nothing all day kind of guy, he enjoyed working, occupying his mind. He grabbed his lyric book and decided to work on a song.

He was around half an hour into writing when he felt a coughing fit come on. He grabbed a tissue and began coughing for what felt like forever. He went to throw the tissue in the bin when a shock look appeared on his face. He looked at the tissue and saw a few blood droplets. He felt a hint of worry before deciding to flush the tissue.  
He has a doctors appointment tomorrow, he will just bring it up then, no need to worry the other members. With that, he carried on working.

—————————  
It was around 7 in the evening when the other members came barrelling through the door, sweating from head to toe. 

“Hey hyungs” Changkyun spoke.

Wonho looked over to the younger boy with slight concern. “Kyunnie, you should be resting, why are you out here”.

“Ahh my back was starting to cramp up so I took a quick walk round the dorm, I also just ate the soup that Kihyun hyung left”.

“You should get an early night kyunnie, you’ve got that doctors appointment early tomorrow.” Kihyun suggested.

“Yes mum” he replied with a cheeky grin.

“Ya you brat” Kihyun jokingly yelled causing the other members to laugh.

—————————

Changkyun was woken early by the manager to take him to his appointment, all the other members had a day off so were still sound asleep. He quickly stepped into the bathroom to get ready when he suddenly coughed. He retracted his hand only to see more blood droplets there. He felt slight concern as he rushed to wash it off.

It didn’t take long to get to the doctors and for him to be seen, manager nim waiting outside to allow him some privacy. 

The doctor asked the usual questions before asking if Changkyun had any concerns. He hesitated for a moment before speaking up.  
“Erm.. well actually, the last day I’ve noticed some blood droplets when I cough. It’s probably nothing though right?”

“Well we don’t know until we check. I’m just going to do a quick check of your breathing” the doctor explained while placing the end of his stethoscope under Changkyun’s shirt and on his chest. “Breath in for me... and out” 

Changkyun looked at the doctors face when he saw what he believed to be concern cross his eyes. “Is something wrong doctor?” 

“I can’t be 100% sure but there sounds to be some sort of anomaly in your breathing, have you had trouble with your breathing lately?”

“Yeah, a little. It started just before I got sick, I was running out of breath quicker, nothing too major. Just enough to notice” 

“I see. Well what I’m going to do is a quick blood test, it should not take long so don’t worry.”

Changkyun‘s worry only began to grow as he watched the doctor retrieve the needle and place the band around his arm. He winced slightly as he watched the blood exit his body.

“Ok mr Im, all done. The results should be back to us in a week or so, I will give you a call when this happens. For now, here is the prescription for the antibiotics. We will speak soon”.

“Okay, Thank you doctor” Changkyun said.  
He exited the room a moment later only to be joined by their manager. 

“Everything ok?” He asked.

“Yeah, just need to collect the prescription“ Changkyun decided to not tell him about the blood test, surely it was nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week later, and Changkyun was feeling better, he still had a slight cough but he had the ok to join the others in practice as long as he took it easy. 

They were currently on break when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He made an excuse about going to the toilet before walking out the door. Once he was out of sight and no one else was around, he answered the call, it was the doctor.

“Hello doctor, are my results back?”

“Hello, yes mr IM. However, I would prefer you to come to my office rather than tell you over the phone. Are you able to come here asap?”

Changkyun felt concern, why would the doctor need to tell him in person that there was nothing wrong. “Erm...yes I should be able to”.

“Okay I will speak to you soon mr IM”

“Okay, bye”. He hung up a few seconds later. Now he had to somehow leave without letting the others know where he was going. He came up with a plan.

He walked back in to the practice room and sat down next to Jooheon and hyungwon. He started to fake cough.

“Woah kyunnie you don’t sound too good, maybe you pushed yourself to much today” hyungwon said.

“No, I’m fine”. 

Kihyun had heard the commotion and walked over to the three boys. “No, he’s right Changkyun. I think maybe you should head back”

He fake coughed again. “Ugh .. maybe you’re right. I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help being sick, I’ll go tell manager nim so he can take you home.” Kihyun began to walk away but not before Changkyun spoke up.

“Oh.. uh no it’s fine hyung. I will take a taxi, manager needs to be here, he has some work to focus on”.

Kihyun gave him a skeptical look before accepting the idea. “Okay Changkyun, but you text us when you get home”.

“Okay hyung”.

————————  
It took 20 minutes to get to the doctors office, Changkyun had sent a text around the time he thought he would have arrived at the dorm. He was currently sat waiting for the doctor to return with his notes which he did 2 minutes later.

“Well, mr IM, I wish I had better news”

“W..what do you mean better news, there’s nothing wrong right?”

“Your blood test showed that your white blood cell count was quite low along with other things”

Changkyun looked confused. “Right, and that means what exactly?”

The doctor gave a sympathetic look. “Well along with this and the breathing issues and the blood when coughing..” he paused “it’s cancer mr IM, I’m sorry”.

Changkyun almost felt like he had the air ripped from him. Cancer, had he heard that right. His ears began to ring, he could see the doctors lips moving but couldn’t hear anything.  
It was a minute or so before the ringing finally began to subside. 

“Mr IM, I know it’s a lot to take in but we need to discuss treatment options for yourself. However, before this we need to conduct more tests to identify the exact cancer. We do know that it is a form of lung cancer which is why you have had the breathing problems lately”.

Changkyun felt his eyes begin to sting. “I uh... I, when will you do the um.. the um tests?”.

“I’ve scheduled you in for 4 days time so, Friday. I know this is hard but I suggest you allow your loved ones to know, you need support right now. Okay, do you have any further questions you would like to ask?”.

He hesitated for a second before answering. “Um no I don’t think so. Is that all, can I go now?”, he sounded numb. 

“Of course mr IM, I will see you in a couple of days okay”.

Changkyun quickly nodded and left barely saying a proper good bye.

Half an hour later he made it back to the dorms before entering his room and locking the door. He cried for the next hour unsure of what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

It had been two days since being told he had cancer, he had yet to tell anyone. To be completely honest he had no idea how, he was scared. He was supposed to be a fit and healthy idol.

It was 8 in the evening and he was currently sat on the sofa zoning out when he felt a figure sit next to him. 

“Geez kyunnie you went hard at practice today, you’re practically falling asleep sitting up” Minhyuk laughed. Changkyun faked a small smile.

“Naa, I’m just bored of waiting for you lot to hurry up and sit down so we can watch the film”.  
As if on cue the others began to take their seats, each grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl.

“What film are we watching Minhyuk hyung anyway?” Jooheon questioned. 

“The fault in our stars”. Changkyun had never heard of it. “It’s a sad one” Minhyuk said.  
“Why, what is it about?” Shownu asked.  
“Well this girl has cancer and falls in love with a boy who has cancer and they meet in a support group”.

Changkyun went as white as a sheet, a film about cancer, why did it have to be a film about cancer. It was like it was mocking him. He quickly got himself together and began to watch the film. He felt on edge the entire time.

—————————-  
The credits began to roll, none of the members had a dry eye, however, they were trying to hide it.  
“Why did you make us watch such a sad film Minhyuk?” Shownu questioned.  
Minhyuk laughed. “It’s good to have a cry now and then don’t you think kyunnie?”  
Changkyun didn’t answer, he only put his head in his hands.  
“Kyunnie?”, Minhyuk said before turning to the younger. “Oh my god, the great kyunnie is crying. Quick, someone get a camera” he laughed.

Changkyun didn’t acknowledge him, only noticing his cries slightly raising in volume. “Kyunnie it’s only a film, it didn’t actually happen” Jooheon laughed. “Kyunnie... hey kyunnie what’s wrong?”

The members expressions suddenly changed to one of concern. “Kyunnie, hey..” Kihyun said, trying to gain the youngest’s attention.

“I...I... I c...can’t ..b.breath”. Changkyun choked out. Wonho was quick to realise that he was having a panic attack. He crouched down infront of Changkyun, taking his hands in his.  
“Hey, Changkyun Listened to me okay, you need to breathe in and out like me, in and out, in and out...”

It took a few minutes but Changkyun was able to copy Wonho and manged to get his breathing to somewhat normal.  
“See, you are okay, you did good. Now do you want to tell us why you just had a panic attack?”  
Changkyun had tears running down his face now.  
The other members looking at him with worry, he had not had such a bad panic attack before, what had caused it? 

“I...I’m s..sorry, I’m sorry” he rushed out.

Kihyun was quick to reassure him. “Hey you’ve got nothing to be sorry for okay, but we are worried. Can you tell us what’s wrong?”.

Changkyun took a deep breath in only for more tears to fall. “I....I.....”he sobbed only to be pulled into a hug by Jooheon. The hug lasted a minute before Changkyun was able to conduct himself once more.

“I... I have cancer”. The sobbing began again.  
He missed the faces of the members looking at him with complete shock and confusion.

———————————  
“Cancer?” Jooheon all but whispered “tell us you’re joking Changkyun, this is some sort of joke right?” hyungwon and Wonho gave Jooheon a questioning look.

“You think I would joke about something like this?” Changkyun sobbed.

“No no, it’s just, I can’t believe it, you.. cancer... it’s.. I just...” Jooheon became speechless, reaching up to wipe away the single tear in his eye.

Wonho took Changkyun’s hands and held them tight. “Kyunnie, but how... how long have you known, what happened?”

Changkyun was silent for a moment, rubbing at his eyes before looking down to a spot on the floor. “T...the day before the appointment, I...I noticed some ...b...blood when I coughed. I told the doctor and he t...took a blood test.” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “That day Kihyun sent me home, I f..faked being ill so I could get the results from the doctors office”

“You went alone?” Kihyun quizzed. Changkyun slowly nodded.

“He told me then, so 2...2 days ago, some kind of lung c...cancer”. He looked up to meet wonho’s eyes.

“What did the doctor say?”

“He said t..that they knew it’s some kind of lung cancer b...but I..I have to go back on Friday for more tests s...so they can find out the specific cancer. H..h.he also wants to discuss the treatment.” He directed his eyes back to the floor.

Shownu, having been silently listening to the maknae, finally spoke. “Why didn’t you tell us Changkyun? It’s not something you should keep bottled up.”

“I don’t know, I guess I was scared. I am scared” he began to cry again only to be pulled back into a warm hug by Wonho”

“It’s okay kyun, it’s going to be okay”. 

He wanted to believe that but he just didn’t know anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a look at my other works :)


	4. Chapter 4

It was nearing 2 in the morning, having been just over an hour since Changkyun’s confession. The maknae had been taken to bed by Wonho while the other members sat round the dining room table still in shock from what they had discovered. Shownu had made the decision, with Changkyun’s permission, to call manager nim to inform him of the events that had occurred. He told the the leader that they would take the week off and he would have a meeting with the company about what steps to take next regarding their promotions in light of the circumstances. Shownu finally hung up when he saw Wonho had entered the room, taking a seat with a big sigh.

“How is he?” Kihyun asked.

“Asleep for now, he looked so small and scared. He said he didn’t want to go on Friday” Wonho shook his head. 

“What, why?”

“He said it would make it more real, except it is isn’t it, it’s real, he has cancer! What are we going to do?” 

“Well, we have the week off to figure some things out” Shownu explained. “One of us will take him on Friday, he’s not alone now, and we are going to take care of him. He’s our maknae, our brother and right now he needs us more that ever”. 

Jooheon glanced at the closed bedroom door. He just couldn’t believe it. His best friend, his brother has this illness, an illness that kills people. What if it took Changkyun away from him, from them. What would they do then. He had silent tears running down his cheek now.

Minhyuk shook his head “I’m so dumb, that film, he sat through the whole film, god knows what he must be thinking”.

“Hey, you weren’t to know, it was just an unfortunate thing. At least now we know, he doesn’t have to face it alone.” Wonho spoke.

———————  
2 days had passed by quicker than everyone thought. Changkyun was nervously tapping his foot before he felt a hand on top of his knee.  
Kihyun had come with him to the hospital.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, it’s just a few tests today okay, we can get some proper answers”  
Changkyun just nodded.  
A doctor had explained the tests they were going to do today. First it would be a few scans to determine where the cancerous tumour’s were and then there would be a small invasive biopsy procedure to collect a sample of the tissue. He was petrified.

It was 3 hours later when Changkyun was wheeled back into the private room, slowly coming of off the anaesthetic. Kihyun has been waiting nervously the whole time.

Changkyun’s eyes slowly started to open and he felt groggy.

“Hey” Kihyun brushed Changkyun’s hair from his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired and a little bit sore, when can we go home?” He asked in a hushed tone.

“Soon okay, we just have to wait for the anaesthetic to wear off and for the doctor to have a chat with you, it won’t be long okay”.

————————-  
2 hours had now passed and Changkyun had changed back into his normal clothes. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door. It was the doctor.

“Ahhh, Mr IM you’re looking more awake. I have come here quickly to discuss the next course of action” 

“Okay” Changkyun nervously replied.

“So, we are going to start you on a course of radiotherapy which will in theory shrink the tumours. We will also begin a course of chemotherapy at the same time to aid in ridding your body of some of the cancerous cells which will allow the radiotherapy to have a higher chance of success. When deemed safe enough we will do a surgery to hopefully remove the tumours, this however will be determined on whether the radiotherapy works. Do you have any questions?”

Changkyun looked nervously at kihyun then back at the doctor. “Erm... w..when do I start the treatment... it’s just I’m in a band you see... we have concerts and music shows...” 

The doctor directed his eyes at kihyun and gave him a sympathetic look before returning his attention back to Changkyun. “We would like you to come back in a few days so we can begin. I will warn you though that it is going to be tiring, you will need to bring someone with you”. 

“Okay, Thankyou doctor”. Kihyun could hear the uncertainty in Changkyun’s voice. 

“It’s no problem, now I will just go sort your release papers out and then you can go home”. The doctor gave him a small smile before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please check out my other works. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy reading.
> 
> Feel free to check out my other work and to leave a request for a future fanfic about J-Hope or Changkyun in the comments :)

It was the following day and in 3 days Changkyun would be attending his first treatment session, he was dreading it. For now however, all the members were currently sitting in one of the company’s meeting rooms opposite manager nim and a couple of higher ups. Shownu had got a call earlier that morning to say they would like a meeting to discuss the bands next steps with them.  
Changkyun was pinging a rubber band he had on his wrist, it was something he use to use a lot for his anxiety, now he felt like he needed it more than ever.

“So...” manager Nim began “.. myself and the higher ups have had many discussions and we have come to the conclusion that we will be putting you on a temporary hiatus” Changkyun’s face dropped. “We will be putting out a statement explaining this and the reason for it. However, we will not mention any specific details of Changkyun’s medical issue unless he wants us too only mentioning that it is due to medical grounds. The hiatus will allow for you to focus on his health, that comes before anything else”.

Changkyun felt a pit in his stomach. “But you can’t, we can’t just stop everything. The fans are counting on us, they can’t put their careers on hold for me. Who says I’ll even get better, then what would the point of any of this be?”  
The members looked down when he said this.

Shownu put his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “Kyun, we all agreed to this, your health comes first, it will always come first. The concerts can wait, the fans will wait for us. So please.”

Changkyun could feel the tears in his eyes. “But...but... they are going to hate us, hate me” he looked dejected. 

Manager nim took a breath before speaking. “Changkyun, you know that is not true, your fans love you and will only want what’s best for you. Do you understand?”.

“I guess”.

“Okay, good, now I think that is everything. Changkyun you’re going to get through this okay, we are all here for you as a company and as friends”. Manager nim exclaimed.

“I know, Thankyou.” 

————————————  
This is a statement regarding the future engagements of Monsta x. Due to the youngest member Im Changkyun recently experiencing some medical issues, all of Monsta x’s upcoming appearances, performances and concerts are to be postponed and they are to take a temporary hiatus to ensure he receives the rest and care he needs to return to his best form in the future. He wishes to express his apologies and says he will work hard to improve his health to get back to performing as soon as possible.  
Thank you.

—————————

Changkyun was reading the statement over and over, refreshing to see the new influx of comments. Most were supportive, off course there were the odd few that said he would be the reason for Monsta x’s downfall. He tried his best to ignore those, although it did make him tear up slightly.

“You should stop looking at that” hyungwon appeared over his shoulder. “It’s for the best, you need to focus on getting better and fighting this thing.” 

“I know, I’m just .... scared “ Changkyun rubbed his eyes only to be enveloped in hyungwon’s arms. He leant into the touch, he needed this right now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to check out my other work and to leave a request for a future fanfic about J-Hope or Changkyun in the comments :)

Changkyun was currently sat in the chair, a medical line attached to his newly implanted Hickman line. It felt weird under his skin, slightly red and sore. He was currently receiving his first chemotherapy treatment. Honestly he didn’t feel any different, not yet anyway. The doctor explained to the group that he would have this treatment 3 times a week and radiotherapy once a week for the next 8 weeks. After the 8 weeks they would check to see if the tumours had shrunk. ‘8 weeks was long’ he thought to himself, he was scared of the effects the next few weeks were going to have on him.

Jooheon was sat next to him skimming through a random magazine that was laying around. “Hey look, this guy lives in a renovated plane. How sick would that be?”. He glanced up to Changkyun who smiled and nodded. He knew the younger was trying to put on a front so not to seem weak. Jooheon put the magazine down when he saw the nurse approaching.

“Changkyun, you’re all done for the day, i suggest you rest when you get home, you are going to feel very tired”. she said while disconnecting the line.

“Okay, Thankyou nurse jia”. He had only met her once but she seemed nice so he didn’t mind her.

“It’s no problem, we will see you in a few days” she smiled politely before walking away. Jooheon helped him to stand as he could already feel slightly fatigued.  
“Come on kyunnie, kihyun hyung has made some kimchi stew for dinner” 

“Sounds good”.  
——————————

Changkyun was sat on the sofa watching some random anime, the members having finished dinner a little while ago. He couldn’t get comfy as something felt off.

Kihyun was in the kitchen washing up. “Maybe you should try and get some rest kyunnie. I bet the treatment took it out of you, right?”  
No reply. “Kyunnie?” Kihyun stopped what he was doing only to hear the sound of feet running towards the direction of the bathroom. He followed quickly behind. When he reached the bathroom he was met with a disheveled looking Changkyun hunched over the toilet, violent wretches ripping through his body. 

“P...please. You don’t need to see this” he managed to get out before another wretch hit him.

Kihyun simply walked over and began rubbing circles in his back. “Hey it’s ok, we said we would be here and we meant it”.

After a few more minutes Changkyun finally relaxed, moving to sit against the sink, kihyun joining him. “Feel better?”.

“This is only the first day and I’m already puking my guts up, how am I gonna do 8 weeks of this?” He put his head in his hands. Kihyun’s arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“We knew this was gonna be hard, but you’re strong Changkyun, and we are gonna be here whenever you need us.” 

Changkyun directed his eyes to the older males. “Thank you hyung”. Kihyun only smiled back. They sat like that for another 10 minutes before he helped the boy quickly clean up and put him to bed. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. 

Kihyun began walking from the room only to stop and look back at the sick boy. Oh how he wished he could take his pain away. He felt the start of tears falling down his face before he turned of the light and exited the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I am going to try and write a fanfic a week on my days off so I have something new to post once a fanfic has finished. Any requests for Changkyun or J-Hope please post in the comments. :)

It had been 4 weeks since Changkyun had started his treatments, and they were taking their toll on the boy. He was currently sat squished between Wonho and Minhyuk while also being wrapped tightly in a blanket, wearing a hoodie. He seemed to be cold a lot of the time lately, another symptom of the chemo.

“Are you warm enough?”

Changkyun thought for a second. “I don’t think I’ll ever be warm enough” he said with a slight giggle. “But I’m ok Thank you hyung”.

He was having a slightly better day today, not feeling too sick or tired. He was just cold but that was ok.

Minhyuk smiled back at the boy. “I’m going to go with you tomorrow”

“Yeah, so you might want to bring your earplugs” Wonho said with a grin.  
This warranted a giggle from Changkyun.

“Ya, kyunnie don’t think I won’t hit you” minhyuk playfully threatened.

“You can’t hit a sick person, that’s against some sort of rules.” Changkyun jokingly replied.  
The older boys both laughed at this. It was nice seeing the younger relaxed and smiling for once.

“Anyway, Tamin will be there as well, so I’ll just have to talk to him” the younger smiled.  
Tamin was another patient Changkyun had met. The boys were the same age and both had similar interests allowing them to get on like a house on fire. It felt like he had know him for years when really it had only been a few weeks.

—————————  
Minhyuk entered the treatment room alongside Changkyun who seemed to be in good spirits today. Changkyun reached his chair before noticing the empty one next to him. That was weird, Tamin was always here before him, maybe his treatment time had changed. Changkyun hesitated for a second before taking a seat, the nurse coming over soon after to start his chemo.

“Good morning Changkyun” nurse jia said.

“Hi” he replied. “Say, nurse jia, where is Tamin? He’s usually here by now.”

She stopped for a moment before raising her head in Changkyun’s direction, a solemn look in her eyes. Minhyuk understood what that look was and placed his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. 

“Is he coming later or...?”

“Erm.. Changkyun I’m sorry to tell you this but Tamin passed away yesterday morning.”

“Oh.. right.. ok.” He looked down. “Thank you for letting me know I guess.”

She gave minhyuk a sad smile before leaving the two boys to it. The older boy spoke up. “Changkyun, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”. 

“I’m fine hyung” his eyes still refusing to meet the olders. He barely uttered a word that session.

——————————  
As soon as the two boys returned home, Changkyun shut himself in his room not even uttering a simple hi to the other members.  
They all gave each other a look before directing their attention to minhyuk.

“Did something happen, did the doctor say something?” Shownu asked.

“Not exactly... his friend Tamin passed away yesterday. He’s barely spoken a word since. I think he just wants to be alone right now.”

The members gave him a sad look.

—————————

Changkyun was currently sat on his bed staring out the window. For the first time that day he allowed himself to cry. Tamin had been fine, laughing and joking around just a couple of days ago. Now he was gone. Changkyun was scared, thoughts running through his head. If that could happen to Tamin then who’s to say it won’t happen to him. He allowed himself to sob.

He brushed his hair out of his eyes before a look of fear passed his face. He removed his hand only to see a clump of hair within. Again he brushed his hair only for another clump to fall.  
He quickly jumped up and rushed out to the hallway, the door slamming against the wall startling the other members. He moved infront of the halls mirror only to see gaps in his hair. He began to sob.

The other members got up and ran to him only to notice what he was holding in his hand.  
Kihyun knelt next to the boy pulling him into a hug.

“Shhh, it’s ok”

“M....my h..hair”.

“Hey, it’s ok, it will be ok” kihyun had tears in his eyes now.

“I th...thought Tamin was ok, you said everything would be okay. But I..it’s not”. Changkyun only cried harder.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I am going to try and write a fanfic a week on my days off so I have something new to post once a fanfic has finished. Any requests for Changkyun or J-Hope please post in the comments. :)

It had now been 8 weeks since Changkyun began his treatment. He had become withdrawn since the day he found out Tamin had died and he started losing his hair. He wore a beanie most of the time, even infront of the members, too embarrassed for them to see. He barely spoke a conversation longer than two sentences and spent more time in bed. The other members couldn’t blame him, the treatment having become more intense.

Today he was going to find out if he could have the surgery to remove the tumours. He was sat Quietly in the hospital chair next to Wonho, having just had some scans done. The doctor was looking through the notes.

“So... doctor” Wonho began “when can you do the surgery”.

He sighed. “Well, as you know, we discussed that the surgery could only go ahead if the radiotherapy had shrunk the tumours.” He paused for a moment. “Looking at your scans Mr IM, they show that the tumours haven’t grown which is positive however they have not yet shrunk enough”. 

Changkyun looked confused. “B...but what does that mean?”

“Well, it means it is not safe for us to do the surgery at this time” Changkyun deflated at this information. Wonho putting a reassuring hand on his leg. 

“So if he can’t have the surgery now, what happens next?”

“Well, we are going to continue the treatment for another 8 to 10 weeks, continuing to monitor the tumours throughout. I’m sorry I couldn’t give better news.”

Wonho looked over to Changkyun who was favouring the floor attempting to hide his tears. “It will be okay Kyun, only a little while longer.”  
Changkyun didn’t respond to this.

——————————  
The two boys had returned from the hospital, joining the other members in the kitchen for dinner. Changkyun had been living off of mainly broth and stew, the only things he could seem to keep down. Wonho had been explaining what the doctor had said.

“It isn’t a bad thing Kyun, it’s not necessary a great thing but it’s only a few more weeks.” Shownu said.

Changkyun only grunted a response.

“Kyun, hey, it will be okay alright.” Jooheon stated.

The younger boy looked up at this, frustration and sadness evident in his eyes.  
“How do you now Jooheon, how do any of you know. 8 weeks, it was only supposed to be 8 weeks then I was going to have the surgery! Now I have to do another 8 weeks or longer. I struggled enough through the first lot of treatment, how am I going to do more.” He was near crying.

Kihyun looked at him sympathetically. “Kyun, you can get through this, we are here with you....”

“No, y...you don’t understand. I can’t do this. It hurts too much. I’m fed up of eating the same thing, of having to puke my guts up at 3 in the morning. Of waking up to find more hair on my pillow. I’m fed up off..off the treatment. I don’t want to do it anymore, I...I... maybe it would be better If....if”.

“If what?” Kihyun asked 

“If it just killed me already..” he was sobbing now.  
He felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

“Sshhh, it’s okay Kyun. You don’t mean that” he had tears in his eyes as well.

“I...I’m just s...so t...tired, I want i...it to stop”. The boy croaked out. Kihyun could only hug the boy tighter as he continued to sob, the other members looking dejected at the confession they had all heard.

———————————  
It was an hour later, Changkyun having gone to bed. The other members currently sat round the table.

“What are we going to do, he looked so empty, like there was no fight left.” Hyungwon stated.

“I honestly don’t know, all we can do is be there for him, maybe we can get one of the therapists at the hospital to talk to him” kihyun suggested.

“Yeah maybe” minhyuk sighed.

Jooheon was not listening to the others, favouring his phone. “No” he whispered just loud enough for the others too hear.

“Jooheon, what’s wrong?” shownu asked.

Jooheon has a look of anger cross his face. “Look”. He slid his phone into the middle of the table. A look of horror passed the other members faces.

‘MONSTA X MEMBER IM CHANGKYUN SAID TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER, A SOURCE HAS CONFIRMED’

———————————  
‘MONSTA X MEMBER IM CHANGKYUN SAID TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER, A SOURCE HAS CONFIRMED’ 

Changkyun was staring at the words on his phone, he had woken up to a news alert. He couldn’t believe his eyes. The one thing he had been trying to keep secret was now known to the world. He suddenly felt his stomach turn, raising a hand to his mouth as he rushed for the bathroom. Once there he fell to his knees as the stew he had for dinner now floated in the toilet.  
It was a moment later when he felt a hand on his back. It was Wonho, the other members standing close by. Once he had finished he sat back against the wall.

“T..they know”.

Kihyun realised what he was talking about. “I know, I’m sorry Kyun”.

Shownu spoke up. “We are going to find out who did this Kyun” slight anger in his voice.

“What’s the p..point. T..they were b...bound to find out one w...way or another”.

————————————

It was the following afternoon. The three oldest members were currently sat in one of the company’s meeting rooms along with manager nim.

“So, you found out who leaked the information?”.

“Yes, one of the stylists had told her daughter not realising that the daughter would tell other people. She has been suspended indefinitely.”

“Good” Wonho said. “What was she thinking, did she not know how this would affect chankyun. He hasn’t stopped crying all night. He needs all the sleep he can get at the moment.”

“I know you’re angry, I’m angry too, but we can’t change anything now.” Manger nim said. “However, something positive has come from this I guess”.

“And what’s that?” the three boys asked in unison.

“Have you not seen the out pour of support from the fans, other idols and celebrities?” manager nim slid his phone over to them.

Kihyun scrolled down the page, thousands of messages of support pouring in under the hashtag #kyuncanbeatthis. It brought a tear to the older boys eyes.

“Maybe you should show him, show him there is nothing to be afraid off”.

————————————  
“Changkyun, We need to show you something” shownu exclaimed.

The younger boy was currently laying on the sofa, head in minhyuk’s lap whom was stroking the boys head.

“What?” He whispered while slowly sitting up.  
Shownu passed the boy his phone while pulling up the page.

“What’s this?”

“Just read it”

He could see Changkyun study the page, he was sure he could see him begin to well up.

“That’s all for you Kyun”.

“All for...me?”

“Yeah”

Changkyun went quiet for a second before a small small appeared on his face.  
“Thankyou hyung, for showing me”.

For the first time in a long time, chankyun felt happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 1 chapter left after this :(
> 
> *I am going to try and write a fanfic a week on my days off so I have something new to post once a fanfic has finished. Any requests for Changkyun or J-Hope please post in the comments. :)

It had been 6 weeks into Changkyun’s next round of treatments. This time however he felt positive, the support from the fans and the members urging him on. Off course it had had it’s usual problems; fatigue, sickness and everthing that came along with it. He had just had a scan and was waiting for the doctor to return. 

“You ok Kyun?” Hyungwon asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired is all”.

“We’ll get to go home soon, don’t worry.”

Just like that, the doctor walked in carrying the scan and some notes. He took a seat.

“Well mr Im I have some good news for you”.

Changkyun was intrigued and gave a questioning look.

“It seems the radiotherapy has been doing exactly what we needed it to do. We feel that the tumours have shrunk just enough for us to go ahead with the surgery”.

“Well that’s great news Kyun, it’s what we’ve been waiting for” Hyungwon beamed.

“Yeah... I guess. So... when did you want to do the surgery?”.

“We have scheduled you in for this Friday, the sooner the better mr Im?” 

“That soon...... and erm... what does the surgery involve?” Changkyun questioned.

“Well mr im, the surgery involves making an incision in your chest to reach the lung. The surgeons will then carefully remove the tumours one by one, removing a small part of the lung tissue. It is however a major surgery and it does not come without its risks”.

Changkyun didn’t want to say it but he was terrified. “Oh... ok, but once the tumours are removed, then that’s it. The cancer will be gone?”

“In theory yes. I assure you though mr Im, you will be in the best hands possible.”

————————————

It was the day of the surgery and Changkyun was terrified. He was laying in the hospital bed surrounded by the members waiting to be taken in.

“It’s gonna be okay Kyun, we are all gonna be here when you wake up okay” wonho reassured.

“I know.... it’s just... what if something happens?”

“It will be okay, you’ll be back here in a few hours as good as new”. Jooheon stated. This did not bring any comfort to the boy though.

It wasn’t long after that the doctors came to wheel him in. Each member giving him a hug.  
“We will see you when you get back” kihyun said.  
None of the members told him but they were just as worried, watching him disappear from sight.

——————————  
It had been 5 hours since he had been taken into surgery. Shownu, wonho and Jooheon had fallen asleep in the waiting room chairs while the other 3 had taken to scrolling through their phones.

“Excuse me” kihyun looked up to find a doctor standing infront of him.  
“You are here for Im Changkyun?” 

“Yes that’s us, guys... guys wake up!”

The three sleeping boys were startled awake to see kihyun speaking to the doctor.

“How is he, is he ok?”

“I think it would be best if we discussed this in private”.

The members became slightly worried at his words. They quickly composed themselves before following the man to an empty room, each taking a seat infront of him.

“The good news is we were able to remove all of the tumours successfully” a sympathetic look took over his face. “However, there was a complication.”

Wonho was the first to speak up. “Wait, what? What kind of complication?”

“Mr Im began to haemorrhage heavily, we were able to stop the bleeding but not before his body went into shock. His heart stopped for a few minutes before we were able to get it started again”.

The boys gave a look of terror before shownu asked what they were all thinking. “So what does that mean?”.

“Well, because of how long his heart had stopped, his brain was momentarily without oxygen. We have had to put him in an induced comma to allow his brain to heal and the oxygen levels to even out.”

“When will he wake up?” Jooheon asked.

“I cannot give you a time frame, it all depends on how his body heals, it could be days, it could be weeks. I wish I had better news for you”.

Kihyun had silent tears falling now. “He’s going to be ok though right?”

The doctor gave him a sad look. “The first 24 hours will be critical”.

——————————  
They were currently sat around Changkyun’s bed side. He looked so small, a tube coming from his mouth, the only thing ensuring his breathing was stable. They had passed the first 24 hours with no change which the doctor said was positive because it meant he had not gotten any worse. 

“You lot should go home and get some rest.” Kihyun whispered.

“And what about you kihyun, you’re dead on your feet.”

“No it’s fine, I’ll stay with him and go when you get back. One of us should stay with him. I don’t want him to be alone.”

Wonho gave him a sad look. “Kihyun, he will be here when you get back. The hospital will call if there are any changes”. 

“I said it’s fine, you guys go. I can’t leave him alone, ok.”

Shownu walked to the singer and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Ok, but be sure to call us if there are any changes.”

“I will, I promise”.

The members walked out the door soon after. No one really wanted to leave the maknae but they would be no use to him if they made themselves sick.

“Kyunnie, it’s me kihyun. Please... I... I need you to wake up now. Let me know if you’re ok. Give me a sign... anything”. Kihyun stared at the boy hopeful, looking for any kind of movement or noise. But nothing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter guys :(
> 
> *I am going to try and write a fanfic a week on my days off so I have something new to post once a fanfic has finished. Any requests for Changkyun or J-Hope please post in the comments. :)

It had been just over a week now and still no change. The others had decided to take it in turns sitting with Changkyun. Today being jooheon’s.

Jooheon always felt uneasy about visiting Changkyun, he hated seeing the once overactive boy now wasting away in a hospital bed, especially after everything he had been through the last few months. Minhyuk had told him to talk to the boy, that it would help. Honestly, Jooheon didn’t know what to think. How could he even hear them?

He was sat scrolling though his phone reading out supportive comments from monbebes and other idols. Starship had released a short statement explaining the current situation.  
He stopped scrolling before sighing, laying his phone on the small table next to him. He moved closer to the hospital bed, taking the boy’s hand in his own.  
“Well here goes nothing” he whispered.

“Hey Kyun, it’s me Jooheon.” This is stupid he thought. “Minhyuk Hyung said we should talk to you but to be honest I don’t know if you can even hear me or not, but that’s ok.....” he paused for a moment before a tear fell.  
“If you can hear me then Kyun... please.... I miss you, we all miss you. I miss you doing your silly impressions, making fun of the hyungs, making jokes. I miss.... I miss just hearing your voice Kyun. Please.... I need to know your still there. I need you to wake up now... I... I need you”. he began to sob.

A few minutes passed when he thought he felt Changkyun’s hand twitch in his.  
‘Huh’ he thought, must be a reflex. Suddenly, it happened again.  
“Kyun?” Jooheon questioned.  
The boy’s eyes slowly began to open.

“Kyun, hey it’s ok, I’m here.”  
Changkyun’s hand was suddenly reaching for the tube down his throat. Jooheon grabbed it before he could reach it.

“NURSE, NURSE. HES AWAKE”. He pressed the help button. “Kyun it’s ok, you’re ok. Just relax, I’m here.”

Within seconds, the nurses were moving Jooheon from the room so they could work on the younger.  
He pulled out his phone, quickly dialling the number of the dorms phone.

—————————  
Kihyun didn’t think he had run as fast as he had in his whole life. When they had gotten the call from Jooheon, they dropped everything, rushing as fast as they could to the hospital.  
They reached his room and were met with an amazing sight on the other side.  
Changkyun was sat up in his bed, looking tired but smiling, Jooheon next to him.

“Changkyun!” They all shouted excitedly.

The boy’s head whipped towards them and his smile grew. He pulled down the oxygen mask before speaking.

“Hey guys” he rasped, his voice being sore from having the tube in place.

“Oh my god Kyun, are you okay? We were so worried about you. Are you in pain? What did the doctor say?”

“Whoa minhyuk, calm down, he’s only just woken up” wonho said. 

Jooheon spoke in place of the younger boy. “He’s doing good guys, the doctor will be back in a moment to talk to us all.” Changkyun placed the mask back over his face.

A few minutes later, the doctor entered the room.  
“Ahh mr Im, it’s good to see you sitting up and talking. You have company i see” he chuckled. “Well I have some brilliant news. All your tests have come back clear, your oxygen levels have returned to normal. You will be in slight pain for a while but that is part of the healing process unfortunately”.

He removed the mask once more. “W..what about the cancer?” 

“The surgeons successful removed the tumours. We conducted a test and your body is clear of any cancerous cells.” 

Changkyun began to softly cry before he felt jooheon’s arm around his shoulders. 

“I know it is overwhelming mr Im, you will have to come back in the future so we can monitor you. However, you are in remission at this very time. Congratulations” he gave a reassuring smile.

“Thank you so much doctor, for everything.”

“It’s no problem. Now I think by the looks of it, you have some catching up to do with your friends.” He left the room a moment later.

“We missed you so much kyunnie” minhyuk said.

Changkyun smiled at this before opening his arms, an invitation for them.

They all rushed forward and enveloped him in a big group hug, all while crying. It was touch and go for a moment but they were glad to have their maknae back. They stayed like that for another 5 minutes, not a dry eye in the room before they heard a camera snap. 

“That’s going on your twitter page” manager nim chuckled. 

The others groaned while all Changkyun could do was smile.

——————————-  
It was a few hours later, everyone except Jooheon and Changkyun had fallen asleep.

“Hyung”. Changkyun whispered, looking to the boy sat next to him. 

“You okay?”

“I heard what you said hyung”

“What?”

“When you said you needed me”

“Oh, you heard that” the older said nervously rubbing his neck.

“It’s what I held onto.... hearing your voice”

Jooheon looked at him with watery eyes.

“Thankyou for not giving up on me...” the younger whispered before smiling at the other.

END


End file.
